Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Change Is Upon Us!

(baby girl's blessing dress)

In just a little under 3 months we will be welcoming a new baby girl into our family. To say that I have mixed emotions about our new arrival is an understatement. While being very excited to meet this dainty little thing and finally getting to meet the little person who keeps me awake at night by spinning circles inside my ever growing belly, I am also very nervous. I am not a fan of change. I can alter the paint color on my walls, daringly sport a new shade of lipstick or select an item off a restaurant menu that I have never tried, but when it comes to life altering events, I am overcome with anxiety, a feeling of instability and inadequacy. I remember feeling the same way before Emerson was born, sitting on the floor, against the wall having a panic attack and crying uncontrollably just 2 weeks before he was born. But, it faded quickly as our family dynamic developed and routines were made. I discovered the change that occurred wasn't a bad change at all. It was a "hard" change, but not a bad one. It was a change that, in retrospect, was exactly what we needed in our lives and I am humbled by the fact that sometimes we just need to leave it to our Heavenly Father to take the reins in life and steer us in a direction that He sees necessary. I need to see change as opportunity. I need to see it as a chance to better our lives, to progress and challenge our strengths. I need to see it as a way for our lives to be lived at their full potential.  As scary as it may be, I really do look forward to so much that this change will bring all too soon! I am excited to see her daddy hold her in his loving arms and melt as he realizes that her tiny finger now has him wrapped around it and that his heart just bursted because he discovered that his heart now holds a place for 2 special girls in it. I look forward to seeing Emerson stroke her bald head and lean in for a kiss and still refer to her as "his best friend" as he currently does to my belly. I look forward to holding her close to me and rocking her in the chair, hearing that deep breath spill from her mouth as she slowly fades into a deep sleep. While change can be hard and it can also be unexpected at times, I know the rewards and blessings that can come from it. I know that change doesn't have to make life a struggle, but more of a quest. I also know that change may alter our lives, but it can stabalize our hearts.
Bring it on baby girl!


{natalie} said...

that dress is darling. i'm so excited for you to have a daughter. i know what you mean about change and i feel the same way most of the time. i try to plan too much sometimes and then realize things will be fine if i just let go.

Joan said...

I'm glad you are posting again. It's the best way to journal and then go back to see your life during it's changes. I'm excited for baby Barbie too,

Chelsea and Cody said...

O my goodness, you hit my life right on the nail. I am excited, but change is hard! Thanks for the amazing wake up call:)

Colett (*.*) said...

I will try to refrain myself from biting her until she is at least a few hours old

Kristin said...

So excited for you. A boy and a girl is THE best! Mine are so different from each other, but sooo perfect together.

Jem said...

Im glad you are posting again, too. I've missed you. You are such a good mommy, Amy, and, change is good. You will rock it.

madison judd said...

I've been meaning to write this for a while now. First, congratulations :) I'm sure this baby girl will be welcomed with happiness and true love from you three!
A second baby is amazing. You will get to see you and Wes together in someone new and surprisingly so different from Emerson, it is a true miracle and will impress you every day.

Marks grandma told me the sweetest thing about having more than one child and I'll pass it along to you..
She said a friend of hers had an only child and told her, I just don't know how a person can split their love among their children. JoAnn, Mark's grandma, told her You've got you're math wrong! Love doesn't divide, it multiplies!

You will definitely feel your heart grow when you see your sweet daughter. Happy for you.